August... The End of my holidays...

Middle of August means holiday is going to end very soon. This holiday really calmed me down. I think a lot about all sort of thing and it makes me realize that thinking too much of nonsense will ruined your day. I should just ignore everything that I dislike and enjoy my remaining school days because I know I will miss it when I left this school.

Time won't erase everything from your heart but it will makes you feel better. As time go on, I think my feeling toward you has changed. My heart won't really feel hurt when I saw news feed about you in Facebook. The memories of us also won't pops up during I feel alone. Believe me... Those memories are the most valuable treasure for me. We didn't really talk much recently but I know you are having a very good life... I know our relationship won't back to the past but do remember that I am still your very true friend... :)

Ps* I know this might be long way to go... But I know I can bring you out from my heart...~*
To: Somebody...*

July... The month that I lose everything...

This month just doesn't go well. First I receive the news that you couple with someone... I feel happy for you but somehow deepest part in my heart you gone... I feel down for a moment but later on I feeling better which makes me feel maybe god is giving me another change... Okay then school... I used to be someone who always alone... The human that called friends is there but they just there not to share... Someone that willing to talk to me is getting lesser... I know this will happen... I always know it... I just been using all the time... You will snatch my them from me like previous time and act like you are innocent...  Ya... You are good... Good in saying sorry... What is the point u saying sorry after the matters that you have create??  Let me take a knife stab you and tell you that I am sorry... How was it?? Will it still fine?? Fuck off... I don't need your sorry... Yup.. You may say that I am "small gas" but after been treat like this... Haha... I regret to know you....

15th July
Is my Result Day... I my BM "A" slipped away... I was super down... The subject that I expecting get B+...
My teacher is disappointed to me... I know it... She is also hoping me to get "A" but I let her down... Seriously I feel sorry for her... I really put in effort but it still same... I am sorry teacher... I didn't make you proud... While I am totally frustrated with it here is my dad... He just can't leave me alone while I dying... He have to do something to make me go worse... Thanks to what he did... I lose my ability to cry... I just can keep everything in hear and let it pain...

I hurt a lot because he meant a lot to me... He is my father...  Someone who raised me up but I am sorry to say that "I am disappointed to you dad"... I don't mind if you ignore me but don't slice my heart with your words... It hurts me a lot... It become more suffer when I can't even cry...

"I hope there is one day I will leave you and get my freedom"

Totally different from others....

Seriously I do believe that everything happens have a reason behind it... Why would someone like me become so anxious to a place that called house??? Seriously I don't really think I had a home... A "house" is the things that I only had... A place to sleep and keep myself warm... I been thinking this question since long time ago but I can't found the answer...

Well I don't mean to disgrace my family but I really enjoy school life more than house... In school at least I feel been respect and appreciated by others... In house no matter what I did... How hard I tried you all won't see my effort you just think I am playing around while I am working hard... Until today I still remember during the day I get my UPSR results... I get 3A's and 2B's from 5 subjects... Among all my friend my result are counted as moderate but what I get in the end of the day?? Present? An encourage?? Nope... Nothing but cane... After that horrible experience I am giving up myself... Since entered secondary I don't really study with heart... While I in the third year in secondary is all too late... There is many things I can't catch up but I know I have to because PMR examination is waiting for me...

PMR ends... So does my brother who finished his UPSR on the same year... His results not really good as I am... He just get an A and the rest all are B's... Instead of cane he got reward and praise from my parents... At that moment I know no matter how many effort that I put is also not going to match my siblings... As elders I can't even scold my younger siblings and my brother can... Ya... This is my family... No matter what I did is always wrong... 

I am someone who really lack of confidence but somehow I always found myself useful in friendship... I am someone who willing to scarified myself for friendship until my true friend are no longer by my side... I am not god but I hope everyone around me can be happy when I was around and continue living with a happy mood... I may looks myself too important to everyone but I don't really hope there is another person who have a heart like me...

*Is this my problems??* If you hate me go ahead because I don't give a shit anymore...     

June.... Story

Finally I have time to blogging... I am facing a busy period of studies... All my assignment come one shot... Too many things have to handle in one shot... Besides school, there is plenty of stuff that I have to handle... Which is my school Sport's Day.... I suddenly became leader for cheerleading group while Sport's Day is few days apart... Handle this stuff is killing me...  PBS this semester most are teamwork style... Actually I prefer to do it all alone... Except economic of course... =.=" Studies really bring a lot of stress for me which I don't think I can handle it properly... In the same time parents... Haiz.. They just can't give me a break... I really tired....

Few days ago Pn.Syaeedah asked me in front of class "Chin Wei, what happen to you recently?? You look so sad... " In that moment I was shocked... I wish I could tell her everything until someone ruined everything by saying nonsense to teacher... The most disappointed matter is non even one of my classmate ask me what happen on me.... Hahaha...  Funny right??  What kind of friends that I having in school??? No idea... All are just faker... I am such a failure... I always tell others to be happy but I was the one who wearing mask... I was the one who hiding myself....

Recently I keep talking to a special friend or should I say my sister?? :)
Bonnie Voon... Seriously she is a nice girl... She makes me feel better when I in a bad mood...
Although I know no one is going to read my blog but I decided to update it at least once a month...

*I do really hope there is true friend in this world... haiz...*





    

Is all about Love??

Love...
What the hell is that??
It makes everyone cry for it...
Smile for it...

Well... For me is a kind of feeling which is really wonderful...
It is something that will change your emotion in one second,
When someone who you love appear...
You can't predict the time...
You can't predict the one... It will just appear when the time is here...

Thanks for you I know what is love...
You let me learn that Love is like Rome...
They doesn't build in one day...
To forget you seems like tearing my heart to part...
I am in pain everyday...
But I can't tell anyone about this...
I guess I just can keep it in my heart again....

I really hate someone when they say "I love You" to someone easily...
Hey, did you know what is love??
Did you know how much pain you have to pay for this words...
If not... That's not love is just a joke that you going to prank on someone...
I do not mean that I knew a lot about Love...
I just wanna say if you make yourself fall into this love thingy...
BE SERIOUS...

Don't hurt others and yourself...

Ps* Just another emo day...

Middle of May... Another miss you day...~

Is the worst month in my life ever... Exam and some virus issue... Damn it... Hate my life... Feel so hopeless to my result... I am so stressed... I really wish everything will settle in a "blackout"... This is what we keep talking about... I hate to being so fake... Can't be myself... In my parents heart I already is useless and hopeless... My dad just hoping me to work so that he can enjoy his life like he always do... I really don't know what should I do... I really tried to study but nothing I can remember... When you are facing a trouble another trouble will appear... Agreed?? Haiz.. Recently don't know what happened to my mom.... Seems that she can't stop scolding us for a day... I really tired... I will die if this keep going...

On the other hand...
How are you recently??
Seems that your life are great recently...
All the picture that been posted in Facebook shows that you are enjoying your life...
I didn't mean to stalk you but... I just miss the moment when we are still close...
Since the day I notice "I love you" my life can't separate with you...
You are someone...
Who steal my heart away and you lock yourself inside when you return it to me...
I really hope that I can find the key which can unlock you from my heart...
The fact is... I can't find it... Few years has passed... My heart still belongs to you...

Now is the middle of May... I remembered my promise... This coming Christmas...
I will tell you everything... ~

*Could I do this??* Sigh....

April is here... Means my exam is near...

April is here... The first of April was the first day of school this year... Which is Monday.... Recently everyone in school is over stressed so am I... I don't really have time to sleep... Few hours of nap a day add on nightmare seems has become a package of my night... I need a rest... I always complain that holiday is bored and sucks but at this moment I really need a break... A long break.... I am so tired with my life that I can't see the ending... My trial examination is coming soon... If not mistaken is the day after tomorrow... Is really close... To me it is important but I don't have the energy to study anymore... I FED UP!!!
My head is damn dizzy and ache feels like going explode very soon...

I feel like dying everyday my body is without soul cause it is flooding around.... Feel like a zombie... My life goes the same everyday...

Friendship in this school sucks...
Is been a while I lock up myself...
So??
No one will notice...
No one will know...
No one will care....
This is me...